Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
