omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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