I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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