Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
