she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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