have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this boner is exhausting
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
