her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
