She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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