So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
