Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
