he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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