I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
