i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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