wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
