i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize