I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think people are normalizing furries
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
