I don't usually arrange sex via text message
North Korea, Best Korea!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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