me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
