Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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