I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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