She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I party with great urgency now.
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