Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
