So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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