I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
