Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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