i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My ATM looks so different sober.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
