Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
