So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
