Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
