I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
