new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
