I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
