It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
