the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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