Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize