oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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