Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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