On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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