at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
