Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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