Define "chronic" masturbator.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
