A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
