he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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