No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me they were just razor bumps!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
