after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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