his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
