You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
