I just threw up on my dentist
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
