I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
