She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Alive.
So much puke
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
