it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
