I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize