maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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