If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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