is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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