last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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