When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
