well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize