Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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