I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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