you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i came on her dog
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
