She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize