When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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