if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
